Most of us think being present is just being there in the room, like at school when we just raise our hand to show the teacher we're there, and then just go back to daydreaming about what's for lunch.
"I'm here, aren't I!" my partner shouted when I pointed out I don't feel he's being present. Of course, if we don't know what's expected of us, how can we learn different? Or not just what's expected but also - how do we evolve further?
To my partner I respond that it's not just about being here and looking at me, but it's so much more... It's true, he is here always, he stays strong and stays with me as long as possible (until he has to take a breather).
But true presence is about attention being focused on the other person, it's about giving your full awareness and acceptance of the situation, taking in the other person, looking with focus and care, with as much love as possible.
Presence is about listening, hearing without judgements within you, without answering, because if you judge or want to jump in it shows through you body and energy.
True presence is being there with your whole being, from the inside and out, giving the person in front of you as much of you as you can.
Because they feel, even on a subconscious level if you're there or not. But often you yourself who are holding space don't realize that perhaps, you're not really being present. And the other one might not see it either, but then people walk away from a deep conversation feeling still somehow unseen, that something is wrong but they can't quite point to what...
How often are you present with your friend, partner, or yourself?
And how does it feel to be truly seen and heard?
Contact me for private sessions :)
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*** A D D I C T E D ? ***
I'm not talking about drugs, food, or $ex, I don't mean addiction to games or p0rn, to love or gambling...
I'm talking about the epidemic flooding our society - the addiction to independence.
First, the men, and their "typical nature" to be independent, then the women's rights movement that's still progressing into women trying to be EVERYTHING because they want to be independent (and most burn out), and let's not forget social media (ironic), the pressure to move away from home super early, don't ask outside people for help, don't ask your neighbors for a cup of flour, and more and more... "you're responsible for you"
We are so obsessed and indoctrinated to fend for ourselves, that we forget how much of a social species we are. How much we actually need each other.
Many people get into relationships and they're so afraid to let the other one in and create a new symbiotic life, because they are independent and OHHHH God forbid you start relying on each other in any real way.. That's scary.. And I'm an independent person who can take care of myself.. Right?
We're being told that we have responsibility for our emotions, our wounds, our needs, and nobody can't do it for us, and in a way that's right.
But we're also forgetting that some needs cannot be met without other people helping and us letting them in, but hell, it's soo scary to be vulnerable because I'm so independent... I don't need anything from anyone, WOHOO!
In the end, how much energy are you left with, with this mindset?
Is this protective mechanism serving you, or others around you?
Think about that.
To be sensual is to fully enjoy life!
$exuality and sensuality are quite different things, even though they go hand in hand for a pleasurable experience.
The ability to be sensual (among other definitions) is to fully experience your different senses – touch, smell, taste, hearing and sight. Essentially it’s about mindfulness, being in the moment and enjoying everything you’re able to experience!
And that ability is often correlated to ones $exual confidence (and life in general).
Perhaps take a moment to close your eyes right now, and stroke yourself, just one bodypart, slowly slowly…. And really FEEL the sensation from your touch in that part of the body – what does it awaken, does it remind you of anything, or is it just… bliss?
Or, next time you eat – be quiet, experience your food, the taste, the texture and feel… or, how does the water from a shower feel on your skin, or the sun’s rays, or classical music touching your heart…?
How do you practice your sensuality?
To be sensual is to fully enjoy life!
I wish you all so much pleasure, go and enjoy yourself ^_^
Love and dance!
HAPPY NEW YEAR you incredible people!🥳
To start off this post, I should write something you’ve all seen (and probably written) on social media – like “we’re entering a new decade, leave the old behind, entering the new, strip yourself naked, it’s time for change” and all that jazz.
Did most of you have some new years resolutions?
I thought so.
But most of us don’t really hold them up, usually because “oh, I cheated my diet this once” “I smoked that cigarette” or something as such, and so we give up way too soon, because we see no point in continuing since “I broke my promise so I suck anyway”, but in reality it’s just too hard.
And I get it, it’s hard to grow as a person. It’s hard to change. Uncomfortable.
We rather stay destructive and familiar, than new and in healing.
That is because upholding that resolution requires the courage to transform, be born anew, break our patterns.
- Relationships are transformational, and most of us have a bad relationship with transformation.
Read that again.👆🏼
Most of us every so often want to shout out in desperation “Just love me for who I am!”, hiding behind spiritual bypassing saying "we’re all perfect" and don’t need to change, but at the same time we make new-years resolutions because deep down, nobody, not even our parents “love us as we are”. Even your mom wants you to some day (!) become a grownup.
The roots of the problems in relationships is - more often it is NOT that you’re “wrong” for each other (read: incompatible), it’s rather that your past issues dictate your life because you’re unaware, or too scared to let it go.
We hold on to our patterns, habits, ego and pride rather than transform.
Me and my beloved went to hell and back, during this fall.
So many icky things, patterns, deceptions, totally horrifying.
I was submitting to my fears, contributing to the drama.
But finally the light switched on in his head, and he began to really look into himself. Actually contemplating the causes of behaviors, facing his fear of deep conversations, opening up emotionally, diving deep and saying YES to really stepping up as the man he truly is.
Of course there’s still quite a bit to go and trust to build, but things are now evolving so beautifully it almost makes me seasick. And all I can say is... f*ck you, and thank you.
More on that later
So in this New Year, I hope you have the courage to swallow your pride, breathe into the trigger, and realize that you’re meant to grow and evolve, even if you might relapse once or twice.
Oh, and hope you have the courage to book a private session with me - single or couple!
Good luck with your resolutions.
Lots of love <3