*** What NEED is underneath your unwanted behaviour? ***
We all have needs, and our needs are NON-NEGOTIABLE.
Read that again.
It’s of course different in regards to which relationship is at hand; couple, triad, parents, friends or just your life in general, but you have your needs that need to be met, even when it comes to other people (shocker).
🥰A “NEED” are things such as: safety, love, variety, growth, purpose, physical touch, sense of community, etc. And we meet those needs through different people, behaviors or through supplying it for ourselves.
In the spiritual communities it is often considered “correct, healthy & noble” to meet your own needs, to be whole as you are, be more alone, because you should not depend on anyone else (see my post on “addiction to independence”)
But some needs you cannot, and in my opinion should not, meet on your own.
We NEED other people, and there is absolutely no shame in that!
In fact, one of the best ways to take care of yourself is asking others for support, and to have your needs and desires met.
:o But... what if you're too afraid to ask? Or too comfortable in your misery to change things?
HOW do we meet those needs?
🤯Every addiction, every learned behavior, is serving us some purpose.
The habit at hand might be insanely destructive, but the purpose is not. The intention, no matter what is done in this world, is always with a good INTENTION.
Try not to explode from the outrageous controversy. Breathe.
And some needs we either don’t believe can be met, or “have been proved to us” through life experience cannot be met, and therefore we take matter into our own hands; by meeting that need in a somewhat wicked way, that is based in fear.
💥It might be that a person picks fights with their beloved, since life taught them that “when it’s good; that’s the calm before the storm” and if they cause the storm they are in control of the situation and “cannot be hurt” by the other.
Needs met: Safety.
🏃♂️Perhaps it's a person deprived of real connection, and therefore cross their own boundaries by letting others touch them. even though they don't want it.
Needs met: Closeness.
🦋Another might drink excessively every weekend when going out with friends, drunk to the point of outrage, embarrassing behavior and just doing crazy shit with his buddies.
Needs met: Sense of community, and freedom.
If we look closely, all of us will see at least one thing or area in life where we don’t behave or treat ourselves/others how we would like to, and we might even cross our own boundaries and comfort, in order to get some of these needs met. Feel into it… what need is it? Why do you resort to these things/behaviors?
And if we look even closer, and dare to be vulnerable with those close to us and the world around us, we might find that others would love to help us meet our needs, in a more healthy, whole way.
What needs are you meeting in various ways that might not actually be serving your expansion?
Please do leave a comment, I would love to know!
Love and dance
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Nothing that's ever worth having comes easy!