I met my EX
I MET MY (abusive) EX
I thought I'd share this piece for information with anyone struggling in shit relationships, I hope this helps! <3
Last year my ex wanting to meet up a year after our breakup, and everyone said not to do it, including my best friends, my current partner, everyone told me no.
But I went ahead anyway.
And honestly - It's the best thing I could have done! 🥰
My ex is suffering from Borderline disorder and severe PTSD, and he was a monster to me. The monstrous thing being that he loved me so much, and intermittently treated me like crap, emotionally and verbally (until he finally punched my face) and then went back to being amazing.
I stayed, because he had all the qualities I wished for in a man, besides the soon obvious fact that he's way too nuts and traumatized to be in a relationship.
And also, I was afraid that nobody else could tolerate how MUCH I am.
And here's the good part.
He wanted to meet, because he wanted to get back together.
I told him no, not because I have a boyfriend, but because you are too unreliable.
Then he proceeded to hold space for me, while I vomited out how angry I was, how hurt, how scared, and how I was grieving all the time and energy spent, how much it affected me.
He just listened, breathing deeply, being present.
When I was all out of rage, he asked if there is anything he can do for me.
- "Tell me the truth about me!" I said.
And he told me the truth... Which I hope can help YOU understand this kind of man better.
The truth is, he loved me.
He was afraid of losing me, and he put me on a pedestal so high, and himself so low.
He saw me as the beauty, and himself as the beast, therefore he had to emotionally manipulate, break me down, make me insecure, belittle and play on my abandonment wounds, so that he could win. So he could have me, as he pleased, so he knew I would always chase after him.
He wanted to be close, but since he is anxiousANDavoidant, he would neither be too close, or too far. Both options scared him to death.
HE WANTED TO BREAK ME DOWN, BECAUSE HE THOUGHT SO LITTLE OF HIMSELF, THAT I NEEDED TO STOOP TO HIS LEVEL SO WE COULD BE TOGETHER WITHOUT HIM ALWAYS FEELING INSECURE, INADEQUATE, AND REPULSIVE.
Despite it being obvious that he was the villain in this story, I could not help but ask him; - "Was it me? Did I make you aggressive, was anything my fault?"
- "No, don't you ever think that! You are nothing but LOVE!"
So there you go.
Best closure ever.
I said thank you, and walked away <3
Remember - Weak men, are dangerous men.
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Nothing that's ever worth having comes easy!